Saturday 28 January 2017

Almost in Early Grave




 It was a lovely summer evening. The only way to spend it was at a Club Vibe matinee which was the best night club in Cape Town. Everyone and their crews were pimped out from head to toe wearing their parents perfume or Brut. I did my usual thing where I told my crew that I am not fighting with them tonight because I just dont feel like it. The boys were guaranteed a fight every fokken weekend and its the same two nutters causing the drama. You know who you are.

So we walk in club with about 4 bottles and buy 2 jugs of white wine and a jug of coke. The coke is the mixer for the brandy and vodka while the cheap ass white wine is soley there for all the low life friends begging for a drink at our table. At that age we had many of these. You just couldn't get rid of them. I tried!!!! The 2 bottles of black and Gold flake Sambuca is there to impress the talent and lure them to our table. Like stealing candy from a baby.

All I know is that the place was Rocking.....Ready D was on the burn and everyone trying to give him TDK cassette to record his session. Our girl crew had a new friend along for the night who seemed very nice. I was friendly but nothing happened. Thats all I know.



A good night was had by all. Everyone was wasted, some passed out and girls had make up drooping all over the place. The bouncers start clearing out the club and we limp out. Everyone walking home has their own path to take. My cousin and I walk towards a narrow alley between 2 buildings and its pitch dark. We hear a group coming up behind us very animated and threatening. They swamp us so we have no way out and then Mr Braveheart steps up and is all in my face. 

He starts going off how he is going to fuck me up for disrespecting him for taking his girl or something. No idea who this dude is but hes getting more brave with his boys all around him cheering him on. I see no way out as two against 17 don't make sense. Gotta talk my way out of this shit. No back up any where to be seen. I tell this dude to fuck off I don't know what he is talking about. He starts lifting his hands but I know I can take him but not his crew. 

Funny thing is that it was so dark and we were pissed as well so my sight started adjusting to the dark while my brain is finding a way out of this beating. I have a look at his crew and faces slowly become more clear. I am not spiritual but the Lord was with us this time and I recognized them all. They were a crew we partied with many times. I avoid this agro dude still threatening me and start shaking hands with all his boys. We all start laughing when they find out its me they trying to kill. Their boy is still going off and they trying to shut him up and tell him to let it go.Yoor what a save......

They pull him off and force him to walk away with them. With relief in my eyes I look at my cousin who looks slightly disapointed there was no fight. Then out of his brilliance he turns to the 17 man strong group walking away and shouts "Wys raak... more le julle ses voet" translation is "tomorrow you will all be laying dead six feet underground"

The horde immediately turns around ready to kill us so I head them off with all my charm and say we were just joking. I stand between them and block them off but I know its in vain. we gonna die tonight. Why we did not remains a mystery. Sure I knew them but they we an action crew who did not take shit. A few seconds pass I speak to their leader and make peace. He then pulls his guys away and they head off home.

Besides needing new underwear, I could not believe this fokker almost got us killed after the first save. No gun or knife but he promises they all gonna die.This is the last time I go anywhere with him again.
















Thursday 26 January 2017

Hol Brand Chilli Sauce Recipe


My Hol Brand Chilli Sauce Recipe:

  1. Grab a bunch of chillis like above. Ghost peppers, Habenero, Jalapenos, red chillies etc.  Throw them all in a blender and put aside. Wear gloves and goggles for protection. You will find the smell overwhelming.
  2. Grab some colourful peppers, apples, and pears. Toss into a blender. 
  3. Grab a few onions and blend. 
  4. Throw all ingredients in a large pot. Add 1-2 liters of white vinegar.
  5. Boil pot then bring down to simmer. 
  6. Put you finger in the pot and taste. If you tongue burns then its perfect.