Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Bad Ass Party


It was the age of clubbing and house parties somewhere between 1993 - 1995. Neighborhoods competing on having the best house parties. Somehow I think it was Garlendale against Fairways with us kicking ass along with the party houses of the Ordensons and cousins Terrence and Grant.

My brother and I had to throw down a big one for the ages. It was so important we must of rescheduled the date twice. It had to be perfect. You only 15 & 16 once right and you have to have your priorities straight. Working in the family liquer store was just perfect timing I could get anything I wanted and on credit. So what was the strategy? Well the only way to get coloureds to a party is tell them there is free food and drinks so thats the mission. Mom taught me all that was needed in hospitality so I learnt from the best and we went along making this EPIC.

I really dont know where to start so just gonna subtitle & wing it.

Party Animals:
I went to 3 schools in the area and made lots of connections. All three schools were invited and the word spread. No damn Twitter or Facebook bullshit this was actually people speaking to each other!! We were hanging with the Poison crew at this time which is another blog altogether. Just imagine that crazy crew at school that was so wild people were afraid to invite them to their parties. That was us! Untamed group of alcoholics driving around in a red 3L Ford van with POISON written on the front. Just a few guys and girls that did not find any religion.

There was no way to spend money on the good stuff. So I bought 12 bottles of brandy costing $1.30 each. It tasted like pure jet fuel which was just perfect. I think maybe four 5L boxes of wine for the masses that tasted like cold piss. I bought some cases of 750ml beers but don't ask me how much. Excuse my memory its just full of slush.....The garage was our bar and we set up a tag team of barman to handle the drinks. All free of course.

Actual Brandy consumed but 12 of them. Our livers tasted something not meant for human consumption.

Actual 5 liter boxes consumed. Can be used as paint remover as well.

As always mom made sure she made a huge pot of curry with rice to feed the hungry. She called all the girls into the kitchen and explained serving procedures and how to heat up everything and what goes with what.
Because that's what you need when you filled to your throat with alcohol.

Adult Supervision:
Mom also made sure that she went out for the entire evening with all her friends to give us our space and freedom. She was a loving mom and very trusting. This was vital for the shit that was going to go down and we did not need her nagging when the police came.

Dont be ignorant here. Just do what you have to do right. The Poison boys stood at the front door regulating the crowd. Only thing is they let every Dick Tom & Abdultjie into the joint. That was our attempt at theft prevention. Only the lord knows if they were any use and I am sure the scared off a few decent folks.

So we moved all the furniture and pool table from lounge and dining room into the rest of the house. We opened the double doors leading from there into the courtyard. We rigged the lounge, dining room and courtyard with various strobe lights all the way through to the back garden. So we had about 30 meters of dance floor into the yard lit up like a Xmas tree. The courtyard had rooms on the right and an open garage on the left which was the bar. Garden in the back was cleaned and a sexy hammock was hang for the lovers between the trees under the stars. We even place lights on the  concrete arch which led the garden.

Barry was the DJ but I am sure he did not truly understand what was gonna happen  but he was brave and talented and just our guy. As long as he brought his gorgeous sister with him. Anyway we turned my bedroom into the DJ box as it the windows opened onto the courtyard dance floor. It was perfect he saw everyone and he had his private place where no one could get to him. Years later he became a top DJ in the city playing drastic funky sets in the clubs downtown. I like to think he made a good start at our party.

This was an issue. We had the cars parked down our entire street and the flashing lights gave away the party house. Not sure how many times the police came. Will have to ask my bro on that one.

This is where everything goes South. The planning and execution was perfect the drama that followed was the type of shit you could never make up. Yes a movie is to follow I am just talking to Steve O to play me.

There were some fine women around that night and they decide to entertain us by climbing on the roof of the garage and dance looking down on the party. The boys loved the sight and it just showed that alcohol is fearless. Until the roof started to look like it was about to cave in with them falling onto the barmen. I had to get some guys up there to take them down as the booze could not be stopped........Maybe if you took off something we would of kept you up there.

The party is pumping the house is full and things are heating up. So many people and moving around was impossible. Never had so many strangers in our house before. Jerram and I running around keeping the animals in check and control the vibe when these two guys I dont know grab me and ask me to keep their bags safe. Ya cool I take them to a bedroom where the Poison crew is chilling and throw the bag in the cupboard assuring no one will mess with it because we bad ass. At the end of the night these okes come looking for the bag and we cant find it. They start going crazy shouting something about he is the son of the most feared gang leader in the city and his gun was in the bag. He is threatening to call his crew for me unless I find the bag. I see the Poison crew is not in the room and know they went outside. I ran out with these guys and down the street where in the darkness I see a mob of guys wasted out of their tree, trying to walk back from whatever they were doing in the park. We find the gangsters bag on one of the Poison crew. It was one of the youngsters. We grabbed it to find the gun missing. He is so drunk he cant talk and no one knows where it is. Everyone pulls the 5th. This dude is going mental threatening to have us all killed by his father Jackie Lonte who is the leader of the Americans gang. Everyone in the city knows him and how ruthless he is........... well guess my days are numbered. No one came for us that night and weeks later was still watching my back.......   

Then there was a call to arms. A buddy from my other school put the moves on a Poison's girlfriend. All I heard was shouting for the Poison crew to meet in the street. I quickly found out who it was and told him I cant stop these guys and he better make a run for it. Messing with girls can be a dangerous business........ Thank God he listened and flew out of there like a bat out of hell. Because the 20 odd Poison crew was so wasted they didn't know the guy was gone so he got a few minutes head start. The crew ran wildly down the road looking for him all foaming at the mouths. It was a sight to behold this mob running into darkness looking for a good looking smooth talker with long hair. I look at this and could only pray his feet was as good as his pick up lines or he was dead........and back to the party chaos I go. For you info he made it out untouched and ran home non stop.

So the dude that stole famous gun bag made his way into my room which was the DJ box. While passing out on my bed the fokker starts throwing up and sleeps in his own puke. DJ starts bitching he cant work like this and tells me his not paid yet. Ha funny because........... I had no money left and forgot about him. Ok......heres the plan. Make DJ happy or party is dead.......leave puke boy on my mattress and just pull the mattress with this idiot on it all the way out of the house onto the pavement. Grab a hat and make rounds on the dance floor collecting money to pay DJ. I really cant remember from there....... I think he got paid and played to the end.........crisis averted.They DJ rocked it even under to the most trying circumstances.

The universe was clever not to bless my generation with cell phones and cameras the sight would just of been too much to handle.

Heard some screaming in the yard and found 6 people trying to climb on the fancy hammock I set up and all fall on their asses and breaking the damn thing. As they all wasted no one could get up from the lawn so I just left them there. These no gooders did not deserve a hand up.

So mom comes home early hours of the morning and she was well proud of her boys. Pulling up theres a couple kids passed out on the front lawn with puke nearby except for one kid sleeping in style on his own mattress on the pavement. The damn nerve of him. I know!! She found a kid passed out in the bathtub he looked like he was still in primary school though. The kitchen was a disaster with apparently pots, pans and cutlery missing from the kitchen. Furniture was moved all around the house and she could hardly make it to her bedroom. She took one look at my brother Jerram and I and just shook her head. Words were useless and not necessary. We pulled of the greatest party ever and she was proud.

Please forgive the lack of accuracy because I am the last person who remembers anything that went on that night. Maybe Jerram would know but I am not sure he was normal either. You know the party was a huge success when years later people would approach me in the clubs as one of the brothers that threw that party. Tradition needs to be passed on and my kid will have the most digusting party Canada has ever seen by a 15 year old! Yes I said it!