Monday, 29 July 2013

Most dangerous moment in my life......


Its was just our usual mush up house party we have 3 times a week. Nothing really exciting besides getting completely wasted and unrecognizable. We had 3 friends who worked for the biggest brewery in South Africa and every month on pay day they would each get a bonus of about 5 cases of beer which for us meant 15 cases of free alcohol. To us this was not merely a convenience but more like a challenge and we were always ready to take it on.

Never happy with anything normal our evening took on a whole new direction. We needed to show the world what party animals really look like. So off we went to my moms hotel and the local watering hole. After abusing the barman there we were ready for the next adventure. Back to the house party just around the corner but this time we decided to crawl hands and knees all the way stopping all the traffic in the road. Yes six grown men foaming at the mouth like a pack of wild dogs. Looking back I really have no explanation for this besides madness.

In a blink of an eye all the guys were in floral dresses. They splashed crayola on their faces because life is too short. If this was not convincing enough they all found these female looking gladiator sandals which had long laces which criss crossed up their legs. What little memory I have left I believe I was in a suit driving the company van. Guess I was not feeling the gayness in me. I was good enough though to make another run at the smuggling house where one could buy beers, liqueur and weed. So off we went into the one of the most dangerous suburbs in the city. We never thought too much of the danger as we were there so often and fear was an annoyance our rough schedule had no time for.

Actual Neighbourhood in Cape Town!!

It was late and pitch dark with no light. The area had council houses which surrounded an empty square pitch. Its was a quick in and out operation with a parked car for less than 4 minutes. Its amazing though how alcohol takes away any fear or concern. Driving the company van did pose a risk but what could go wrong? I had two guys sitting with me on the front seat, my backup! The coast seemed clear from what little we could see. It all looked deserted. Not even the locals would be out at this time.

I pulled up alongside the smuggle house so the guys could jump out and buy supplies through the front window and off we go. Pulling up nice and carefully my eyes were adjusting to all the darkness. Scanning the area I saw some shadows moving in front of the van. As these figures moved closer I made out 3 guys walking toward the van. And out of the darkness the first object coming into focus was a barrel of gun pointed straight at me. FUck was all I thought while my heart stopped and my ass squeezed into my throat. Just Frozen......... All I could hear from my friends was "Drive, drive, drive!!"

This Mofo had the gun pointed directly at me with a fucking bright neon sign saying "George-the black one" Why the hell would I want to take such a chance? With the gun trained towards my head this Mofo casually walked around my side putting the nozzle against the glass. I slowly rolled the window down out of courtesy so when he shoots the glass would not litter on the ground. Desperately trying to think of a Steven Seagal move I could pull like we dreamt of as kids, but my brain said dont be an ass, act cool

The Catch 22 of cool was that in my peripheral vision I saw my two best friends wiping the lipstick and eye liner off their faces like the dresses wont give it away and I could already envision the headlines in the newspaper. "Man dressed in suite shot in head while 2 men in dresses and makeup lay in a field 10 meters away" It was not looking good. I am going to die with two transvestite looking wannabes by my side. What have I done to get myself this deep in the shit? (Well I know but....thats another story) With the gun to my head I could not think of anything brave to do. Nothing. Just sitting there with a revolver against my brain. All those action movies later, bragging about what you would do in such situations..........did not help me a damn.

My mind was thinking about these two next to me wiping their makeup as if they know their family has to view their bodies and all the makeup would be a hard to explain. Sitting there with an overwhelming sense of dread I heard a voice shout out: "Hey Faizel!! What the fuck you wanna rob us for. Voetsek!"

Turns out one of my boys with the pretty makeup actually knew the dumb Mofo with the gun and they started shooting the breeze about good old times - while the gun slowly came away from the head. There I am shitting bricks and Faizel shows us there's no bullets in the gun but he thought he take a chance away.

Slowly I could feel my bum descending from my throat back to where it belonged. Please rate this story below and subscribe. Thanks.